As you most certainly have noticed, our neighborhoods have become plagued by violence. There have been too many deaths out there in those streets- I know the numbers are down from the 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's, but really- one violent death is one too many. I am afraid soon Chicago will become the murder capital of the country once again. So I want to step up and do my part to stop the violence in our communities. And I will do that- I will help make that change- right after I waste this motherfucker singing loudly over his I-Pod on my train car. And, that gentleman whose auto alarm has been going off in the grocery store parking lot for the last half hour. I will do my part right after I get revenge on the adolescent downstairs who is always blaring her inane, teeny-bopper musics, and the lady sitting with eighty-three children in her car in front of my neighbor's house, honking her horn incessantly. Yes- for she most certainly deserves the big payback. Justice says I must exterminate the man who had his cousin mug my friend right after my chum bought pot from him. And, it says I must eradicate the cousin too. I must strangle the chap who was walking so close to me earlier today that I could almost feel his protuberant genitalia rubbing up against my thigh, and those Polish twats noisily rehabbing/gutting the apartment across the hall. I have planned the mass annihilation of all telemarketers, fans of auto racing, and Republicans, and I have also diagrammed the destruction of Ice T's grossly surgically enhanced wife Coco. Oh, and of course that of Iranian President Mahmud Ahmadinejad. I will obliterate all of those Greenpeace, 'got a second for the environment?' dickheads out on the street corners- the elderly gentleman behind the counter at Oscar Wastyn's Cycle Shop- and the fellow who cut in front of me at the concert merchandise table. Please try to convince me that those three Hispanic gentlemen who are constantly referring to themselves as 'NIGGAS,' out on the street corner just north of here do not deserve their come-uppance. Or those meatballs wobbling drunken, toking up outside of the Durkin's Tavern. I want to join in on this anti-violence movement but I cannot do so until I slay the obnoxious twit sitting upon the newsstand I am trying to retrieve a paper from, and my vile co-worker, who can't seem to get to the office on time ever, leaving me to answer the phones for her. After I take out all of these scumbags though I absolutely do plan to perform my role in cleaning up the mess out there on the streets. Because law enforcement- I've got your back. Yes- we are on the same team, and after I complete the few homicides that I have listed here, together we shall stop the violence in all of Chicago's communities.

Sincerely,

Daniel Gleason