1. They are conscious of being police officers. They have thought about this occupation, and what kind of cops they like and what kind they don't. They are also self-conscious about being police officers--when they first meet you, they try to summarize which kind of cops they are, and they are forthcoming with jokes about handcuffs. Yet, they are wholly identified with their occupation. When off-duty, they maintain a search pattern of every violation that they could ticket if they were on duty. You know this because they grumble "no headlights," "illegal lane change," "no signal you fat bastard." They sit so that they are facing the door of any establishment and look at every person who comes in. Also, they are afraid of losing or misplacing their star--the actual physical metal badge that they wear.

2. Do cops have partners? Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. Two cops can go out in a car together all the time, but not be partners. To really be partners, one cop has to ask the other--kind of like going steady.

3. Sometimes they won't arrest a person because it is too much paperwork. DUIs are a lot of paperwork. Sometimes they won't issue a ticket because they don't have the right ticket book in their car. The threat of getting a DUI does not necessarily deter a cop from drinking and driving. They have reason to believe that they won't get a DUI.

4. They are not impressed by professionals, especially those who, when they are about to get a ticket, announce that they are doctors. The cop might even say, "Yeah, what kind of doctor?" They also don't like "yuppies taking liberties" by double-parking in bike lanes, blocking driveways, etc.

5. They are good witnesses. They notice physical details and measurements--eye color, eyebrow shape, clothing. But they accept the realm of generalizations as important to their efficient functioning in the world. Sure there are exceptions, which they are willing to acknowledge, but they might find that men, women, gay people, gang-bangers, Mexicans, yuppies, police officers...all have certain tendencies, and they don't see any problem stating what those are.

6. They have a particular kind of training that makes them a lot more perceptive (than say your average MFA or MBA) at noticing when you are being evasive or lying, and at reading your expression and body language. Basically, they have been trained to be observant and intuitive, and this skill makes them very pleasant to be around.

7. They know you have a present and a past. They aren't afraid to ask you questions. They steer right toward the hard stuff, and don't even flinch if you don't want to answer them. They psychoanalyze! They aren't good-timers. They answer the phone in a serious voice. They have wives.

8. They are conveniently uninterested in your art practice or career or where you have exhibited lately. They have no sense of this kind of accounting. That doesn't mean they aren't curious about you. You require further investigation.

9. Perhaps because their occupation doesn't reward it, they don't feel the need to maintain a semi-flirty networky keeping-my-options-open vibe with all the people in their social networks, or a false intimacy with anyone. You know where you stand with the cop. If he is interested in you, he makes that clear. As though by alchemy, he translates his own emotions into descriptive sentences. He sees these feelings as facts that can be stated out loud and without angst, even if you don't reciprocate. He puts it on the record. He doesn't bottle it all up inside and let it get modified and rewritten based on his up-to-the-minute reading of his own self-protective urges. Why would he do that? His feeling is a simple fact. It exists. Likewise, your feelings about him are simple facts, and he wants to know what those simple facts are. How does he attain this factual information? By asking you direct questions about your feelings. It doesn't occur to him to be obtuse. This might be seen in contrast to those who have fine-tuned their skills in producing highly-charged ambiguity, but who shy away from any gesture that would not be, upon closer scrutiny, provisional, equivocal, and reversible.

10. It's nice to hear a cop say: "I want to do whatever it takes to make you feel incredible."

- LJ Reynolds